In times like these, with so much loss, anxiety and hardship, we need each other. Whether we’re separated by physical distance, health risks, or other circumstances, we can still find ways to draw on the love we feel if we take the time to slow down and connect.
I have great faith in the contemplative arts, and have experienced palpable benefits in my life through meditation, self-care, and resourcing practices.
Yet to be perfectly frank, sometimes I just want a hug!
An old friend of mine and I used to jokingly call it “Vitamin H.” To see that our friends and family were getting enough of this precious nutrient, we even made T-shirts that said, “Ask me for a hug.”
As you may know, there are many documented benefits to healthy touch: psychological, emotional, even physiological. Massage can boost our immune system, increase levels of serotonin, and decrease cortisol. Conversely, prolonged absence of human touch, known as “skin hunger” or “touch starvation,” can be detrimental to our health. Insufficient loving touch and affection can result in stunted growth and even death in infants.
Given how beneficial touch is to our health and well-being, it’s worth noting that even before the pandemic hit, technology had reduced the amount of touch most of us experience on a daily basis.
Fortunately, there are ways to receive the full benefit of healthy touch, and creative alternatives to access those benefits when we don’t have (or don’t want) physical contact. Whether you’re sharing a hug, holding hands, or exploring one of the alternatives below, here are three steps to be nourished by touch.
I. Honor your needs for touch
The first and most important step is to honor your own needs and boundaries around touch. It can feel vulnerable—even edgy—to put yourself out there and ask friends or family for physical contact. What’s more, we may have good reasons to be highly selective around who we share touch with and when. Honoring our human need for touch includes all of this, with the recognition that if we don’t ask, it’s even less likely that we’ll get our needs met.
If you want to share a hug and are concerned about the health risks, a recent article in The Guardian, or this one in the NY Times, share tips for how to hug safely during lockdown.
If you live alone (or simply don’t want touch with others right now), the same principle applies: you won’t get your needs met if you don’t acknowledge them and take action. If you’re interested in exploring the benefits of physical contact, make a little time for conscious self-touch.
Here are a few methods I’ve found rewarding during periods of solitude:
Gently clasp your hands together, holding one in the other.
Turn the palm of one hand up; then, slowly trace a circle in your palm with the first two fingers of your opposite hand.
Massage a muscle anywhere in your body.
Place one hand against the side of your face; gently stroke your cheek with the front or back of your hand.
If you have a furry friend, petting them is always a bonus!
II. Give the experience of touch your full attention
As you touch, be fully present to the sensations you feel. Whether you’re hugging your spouse, petting your cat or dog, clasping your hands or massaging a muscle, bring all of your awareness to the direct, felt sensations of contact.
Let everything else fall away, and be right here with those sensations. Notice where you feel them, what it feels like there, and how the sensations change. You might notice temperature, texture, movement, pressure, moisture, tingling, and more.
III. Linger with the pleasure
Last, linger with any feelings of pleasure, ease or relaxation that come, however small. Imagine this good feeling seeping into the rest of your body, soaking and spreading through your entire being.
Do you notice any softening or release elsewhere in your body—in your jaw, your shoulders, your stomach or somewhere else? Is there any overall feeling or tone? The more you let it in, the more it can nourish you.
A long hug or prolonged contact can be wonderful when its welcome, but in my experience it’s less about the duration of contact and more about the quality of presence and intentionality you bring to the moment. Even a few moments of touch can be meaningful and nourishing if we're fully present and able to receive.